1. He Stopped Logging In To Dating Site A Week After We Broke Up Full
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You deserve to feel like a priority.

.newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating and hooking up with a woman who bounced from her boyfriend to him after they broke up.

• What i been at my online dating site threw it is checking out their ex view will fuel. Are a break-up that guy 2 weeks of course, she is when you after.
• Category Dating page 12.

'To be, or not to be,' may be the question, but there is a third option when it comes to relationships: 'To sort of be.' The almost-relationship is (sadly) very common and very normal these days. Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, defines the all-too-common almost-relationship as a situation where someone gets the benefits of a relationship without exclusivity. “So while one person may think that's the perfect position to be in — to have your cake and eat it too — it can be really disappointing and stressful for the other person who genuinely wants a commitment,” Leckie tells Elite Daily. “It can feel like a person is running hot and cold and leaving you confused. That said, that confusion should be a red flag that things aren’t going the way you would like them to.' Basically, if you’ve ever been stuck in that limbo between a hookup and a romantic, serious relationship, you’re familiar with the almost-relationship.

If this arrangement works for you, amazing. But if you want something more serious and don’t know if that's going to happen anytime soon — for instance, if you've been dating for three months but not official, or when a man only wants to see you once a week — it may be time to see if the arrangement has the possibility of becoming more, or if it's time to move on and seek out a partner who wants the same things as you. Because as Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the “Why Women Love Toxic Men” workshop, tells Elite Daily, “An almost-relationship can easily just become a situationship where one or both people are just using the other for the convenience of it.”

Below, 10 signs you’re stuck in an almost-relationship.

1. You Only Hang Out Once A Week

If you and your almost-partner have been dating once a week for two months or more, then beware. Regardless of how busy they are, if things were going to progress between you, you'd be hanging out more than once a week. If you 'find that he doesn't save weekends for you but only schedules a once-a-week date on a Tuesday night, he's likely not that committed to the relationship,' Lori Salkin, matchmaker and dating coach, tells Elite Daily.

Hanging out multiple days in a row can feel like a big step, but taking big steps is how you move forward in a relationship. Ask them to hang twice in one week and see what their response is. If they show any skepticism, move along.

2. They Don't Text You Between Hang Outs

Maybe you're both traveling all the time for work, or living in separate cities. Even then, there’s no real excuse for not keeping in touch. Texting is quick, easy, and available internationally, so you should be getting a steady stream of texts in between rendezvous if this person's into you.

'I had a couple where the girl came back from a week-long trip and left the following weekend open for the guy she had been dating for the last month, and he waited until the Monday after that to reach [out] to her to see how her trip went,' says Salkin. Needless to say, they broke up weeks later.

Not everyone loves text banter, but if whatever you've got going on is moving toward a relationship, you should both miss each other when you're apart. If your almost-partner isn't sending you sweet nothings, or even checking in to see if you're alive, there’s a chance they might not be that into you.

3. They Keep Telling You They’re 'Busy'

'I'm busy' is one of the worst excuses in the book. Everyone is busy and trying to juggle their schedules. Your almost-partner is not special. 'When the guy you're dating has time for his friends on the weekend and his colleagues at happy hour during the week, but when you ask how his week's going he says he's slammed and so busy, it's a definite red flag the relationship is going nowhere,' explains Salkin.

Don't go full Insta stalker mode, but pay attention. If the person you've been dating is constantly saying, 'I'm sorry, I can't hang, it's been a super busy week,' and then 'gramming pictures with their friends from college at happy hour, think twice about their intentions.

4. They Dodge Invites To Meet Your Friends & Don’t Invite You To Meet Theirs

If you're going on two months of dating and you haven't met your semi-significant other's friends, take note. This doesn't mean they’re embarrassed by you, or that they’re dating someone else, but it should make you wonder whether or not they’re even mentioning you to their inner circle. The same applies if they dodge invitations to meet your friends.

'If you invite the guy you're dating to attend a casual work event or a friend's birthday party and he always dodges the invitation, it's also likely a sign,' says Salkin. 'If [he doesn't attend] something that's important enough for you to invite him to, he doesn't feel strongly enough about you to do things for you that matter to you.'

Have you made excuses for them one too many times when they’ve ditched on a happy hour withyourfriends? Onto the next one.

5. They're Still On Dating Apps

Nothing says “I'm not taking you seriously” like staying active on dating apps once the two of you start dating. While technically you haven't defined the relationship, it still sends a pretty clear message about their feelings toward you. 'If you see him still active on a dating app where the two of you met, he's likely still using it, not just looking at your profile again,' says Salkin.

If this is an issue for you, it’s time to talk to your semi-bae and ask if they're still dating other people. It doesn't make you seem less “chill” — you’re just being clear about your needs and expectations.

6. You Haven't Had 'The Talk'

According to Salkin, you should have the 'what are we?' talk about six or so weeks into dating. 'In a relationship that shows promise, the guy should be starting to hint toward being exclusive or calling you his girlfriend by that time,' says Salkin.

If there's been no mention of exclusivity, consider bringing it up. 'If the other person deflects, avoids, or gives non-committal responses, this person is just enjoying your company and benefits for now, and does not want anything serious,” explains Chong. That realization might sting, but you'll get the pain over with now rather than later when you’ve invested even more time into the situationship.

7. They Don’t Keep Their Promises

One of the clearest signs someone is taking you seriously is when their words match their actions. In other words, if your almost-partner is talking a big game and not following through, that's a red flag that this almost-relationship may be almost over.

“Lots of people tend to get carried away by their emotions and make promises they cannot keep because they don't want to put in the energy or time to follow up,” says Chong. “A serious person will make the time. An uncommitted person will not. If a relationship with the latter is continued, the relationship will be much like the person: impulsive with lots of empty promises and flakiness.”

Not being able to count on the person you're dating is a very legitimate reason to show them to the door.

8. You Aren’t Going On Dates

If “dating” your almost-partner doesn't involve any actual dates, that could a red flag they aren't willing to put in any real effort into the relationship. “When someone cares, they want to take you places, spend quality time making new memories, surprise you from time to time, plan vacations,” says Leckie.

While every relationship isn't going to be full of grand romantic gestures, you can and should expect some effort from your partner when it comes to spending quality time together. If you're stuck in Netflix-and-chill mode and you want more from them, it's time for a longer, more serious conversation.

9. Your Connection Stays Surface-Level

Part of building intimacy with someone is getting to know them on a deeper level — sharing stories about your life, your hopes for the future, and important moments. If you’re not talking about anything that feels significant, that might be a red flag that they don’t really care to get to know you better. “When people really care for you, they want to get to know you on a deeper level, which also fosters connection,” says Leckie. However, if your almost-partner shuts down the convo every time you try to steer it in a deeper direction, that could be their way of telling you they’re fine with things the way they are.

10. You Don't Feel Like A Priority In Their Life

One of the best parts of dating someone new is the honeymoon phase, when all you can think about is being together. If you seem to have skipped over that entirely and feel like you're more of an option than a priority, consider that a red flag that your almost-relationship has stalled out.

“A client of mine was upset to find that while the man she was dating would be the perfect boyfriend when she was seeing him face-to-face, he would send uninterested texts and engage in superficial conversations when they were not physically together. This is a person who prioritizes other things in their life, and you’re just not in their top three,” explains Chong. “This person will eventually fade away, especially when the novelty of being with someone new has worn off.”

What Should You Do If You Want More?

If you're in an almost-relationship but aren't ready to throw in the towel just yet, Chong says it's time to talk to the person you're dating. “Verbalize it immediately,” she advises. “Sit down and ask the other person where they see this going. Tell them about your feelings, needs, and expectations. If it’s a fit, great! Make it official.”

If it’s not, that may be disappointing and hard to hear, but at least now you’re free to find someone who feels and wants the same things as you in the long run. “It's a lot more efficient to date only people who already want commitment, as opposed to convincing people that they should want a commitment with you,” says Chong.

Your almost-relationship might bring you some fulfillment, but you deserve to be in exactly the kind of relationship you want and nothing less. “When things don’t feel good in your gut, you need to pay attention to that and not just hope things will change,” says Leckie. “People often make excuses for the other person or rationalize because they want to avoid the truth of what’s going on. [But] when you’re truly happy and being treated like someone is super grateful to have you around, it hits differently. You’ll never get what you truly want if you settle.”

Experts cited:

Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup coach and host of the “Why Women Love Toxic Men” workshop

Lori Salkin, matchmaker and dating coach

Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast

Watch the video above all the way through as Coach Lee discusses the stages your ex will go through while you are using the no contact rule.

Then, read the content below carefully to help yourself retain and reinforce the knowledge you need about the stages your ex will likely go through.

This is what the dumper goes through.

Stages Your Ex Goes Through While You Are In No Contact

People often think that their ex walks away unscathed after they break up with them.

As though the leaver flicks a switch at the moment of the breakup and immediately starts having a great life that never includes thoughts of the person they left or doubts about their decision to end the relationship.

At the moment of this writing I have nearly twenty years in the relationship recovery service and I can tell you that thinking your ex has a simple path after they broke up with you is most likely untrue.

If you start applying the no contact rule after the breakup, you are not only giving yourself the best chance to get your ex back, but you are responding with maturity and dignity.

While you are not contacting your ex, they are forced and allowed to experience the true consequences of their decision to break up with you.

That is what needs to happen in order for them to realize they don’t want the breakup.

It is during this time that they go through stages of reaction based on the dumper’s experience without you.

These stages could also be called dumper’s regret timeline or dumpers grief cycle. (Also see my article: Stages To Getting Back Together With An Ex)

Dumper’s Regret Timeline or Dumpers Grief Cycle

He Stopped Logging In To Dating Site A Week After We Broke Up Full

Many things in life happen in levels, timelines, stages and cycles.

This happens as an emotional reaction or response to loss, grief, and various seasons of realization.

Stage 1 For Your Ex: The Relief Period

I know, you don’t want to hear that breaking up with you gave your ex relief.

It probably hurts some, but it is necessary and in your best interest that your ex goes through this first stage during no contact.

Why?

Because you want them to get it out of their system so to speak.

Breaking up with you was difficult and they had probably been dreading it for a long time.

So the relief is less about getting away from you (though there is likely some of that) and more about being glad they got something over with that was difficult, awkward, and painful.

The sooner you leave your ex completely alone (did I say completely?), the sooner they will get past this phase or period and start experiencing the negative consequences of breaking up with you.

During the relief period, you might see pictures on social media of your ex going out with friends and even acting silly.

Your ex is doing this because there is an initial realization of freedom and all the possibilities that exist with it.

But, as the Eagles say in their song, Desperado:

“Freedom, oh freedom. That’s just some people talking. Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”

Most people desire a romantic companion and so the relief period is almost always short lived.

Your ex will then start to live in the new normal that they have caused which will be days and nights without you.

Leave them alone so that they enter the next phase/period as soon as possible.

Stage 2 of No Contact for Dumper: Curiosity

After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next stages of no contact (usually after a one to three weeks) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.

At this point in the timeline your ex will wonder why you haven’t reached out to them and why you haven’t tried to get them back.

This already puts you ahead of the game so to speak in terms of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back because there are all kinds of stories of “crazy” exes fighting and chasing their ex to get them back.

Your ex’s curiosity will magnify each day because you continue to be silent and show no signs of making an effort to get them back.

Your ex begins to wonder what you are doing, since they used to be informed of your daily experiences when you two were together.

They are used to knowing.

Your ex also likely begins to wonder who you are doing things with and since they have no answers, this mystery sticks with them with growing intensity.

Their curiosity exists even if your ex is in a rebound relationship.

In fact, any new person will be easily accessible and informing your ex of their daily activities which makes yours a greater mystery and frustration.

It’s a question in your ex’s mind of which only you are the answer.

This is especially helpful to keeping you on your ex’s mind since they used to have the answer.

Though it might seem counter intuitive, this actually gives you an advantage over the new person since you will be the mysterious, untouchable one compared to the rebound.

Curiosity grows and intensifies in your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend’s mind and ushers them into the next stage of no contact.

Stage 3 of No Contact: Preoccupation

I’m this step of the dumper’s cycle (what the dumper goes through), your ex becomes so curious about why you haven’t reached out and what you are doing to the point that they become preoccupied with you.

You are practically all they can think about at this stage.

If there is a rebound relationship happening in this stage, your ex can begin to view them as a nuisance and even see their relationship as artificial.

Sometimes your ex can try to push past this or force things even more so don’t be too upset if you start to see pictures on social media of your ex with this person.

If this happens, it’s highly possible that your ex is trying to convince themselves and others that this is not a rebound and that there is validity to that relationship.

This usually causes your ex to exit the rebound even earlier so breathe a sigh of relief for that.

Every time your ex sees a text or call from the new person, it only further fails to relieve the curiosity and mystery that still exists from stage 2 because it is not you.

This is fascinating:

Though it starts off somewhat small, your ex can begin to associate disappointment in the calls, texts, and even in the presence of any new person there might be!

If there is no new relationship, this applies to anyone who contacts them because your ex looks at their phone thinking it might be you but only sees that it is not – again.

Even if it’s just not what your ex expected at this point and not necessarily them missing you yet, the fact that their expectations are not coming to fruition will create a level of disappointment with every occurrence.

As it repeats over and over, disappointment can become the primary feeling and be a repeating, painful reminder of your absence.

As life without you begins to show itself to be disappointment, your ex enters the next stage of our plan.

Stage 4: Fear of Loss

Stage 4, in the stages of no contact for the dumper, is fear.

Fear of losing you to be specific.

It’s the dumper’s version of what you felt after they broke up with you.

Your ex was in control and so they didn’t feel loss or grief right away — but you did.

That’s why you hurt so intensely and why you panicked.

Whereas you ex felt mostly an artificial breakup because it was within their control.

They felt that they could get you back pretty much whenever and if they wanted to.

He Stopped Logging In To Dating Site A Week After We Broke Up Cast

So your ex felt little to no loss.

It’s like if you told me that you would fund my bad spending habits (if I had bad spending habits).

I could spend all that I wanted and never feel any loss because you were paying my bills!

That’s to large degree how your ex felt after breaking up with you.

Since your ex “dismissed” you by dumping you, they figured they could easily get you back whenever they wanted, so there were little to no feeling of loss.

But that changes when your ex realizes that it appears you could move on with your life and be lost to another person or that you could simply stop wanting to get back together with them.

Your ex becomes afraid that they have permanently blown it with you!

They worry that you might have moved on and they lose the ability to expect you to reach out to them.

That’s when the pressure greatly intensifies.

The groundwork for this was laid by the previous stages of the timeline/cycle.

For some people and in many cases, this is when no contact starts working enough that your ex reaches out to you.

He Stopped Logging In To Dating Site A Week After We Broke Up Today

The reason is because even if your ex isn’t convinced that he or she wants to get back together with you (yet), the concern that you could move too far away (emotionally speaking) or get into a relationship with someone else causes them to want to open the lines of communication in an effort to prevent you from drifting too far away

Your ex tries to pull on the reigns and say, “Whoa there!”

They at least want you to slow down (because they fear you might be moving on) until they figure out what they want.

All it takes is a little bit of doubt to achieve this (and Dumper’s Remorse can kick in).

It often results in a text from your ex that says, “Hey, how are you doing?” or something small like that because they simply don’t know what to say.

They just want to feel some connection with you and dig their heels in to keep you near just in case.

Or your ex’s message can be more bold.

They could come out and say, “I miss you.”

Your reaction at this point is vital to getting them back.

You must keep that mystery alive.

He Stopped Logging In To Dating Site A Week After We Broke Up Video

That doesn’t mean that you say, “Well I haven’t missed you.”

In addition to being a lie and rude, saying such a thing is not helpful to getting your ex back.

You could simply say, “Hey there! I’ve missed you too. I hope things have been going well.”

I go over more strategic responses in my Emergency Breakup Kit.

Yes, saying that you miss them as well is a necessary evil.

What I mean is that trying to act like you don’t miss them (or haven’t) can blow up in your face.

I’ve seen it happen too many times so just don’t go there.

It’s at this point that you need to keep some mystery, but you also need to get your ex face to face because that is when you can be your most influential and attractive.

Again, I go over this in a structured and more strategic way in my Emergency Breakup Kit or you can book a coaching call with me.

If you haven’t watched the video above, scroll back up to do that since I provide more detailed information there and because most people say that they gain new insights that really help from that video (click here to go back up to watch it)!

I truly wish you the best in getting your ex back!

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--Coach Lee
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